I'm not allowed to have fun.
It's clearly against the rules.

Sorry for trying to enjoy my life for the first time in fuck knows how long.
I'm so angry on the inside.
And hurt.

I love my job.
I love it. Honestly, 100%.
I love the work, I love the people, I love the feel of it.
Agh, it's amazing.

I went to a shindig on Sunday night with all the people from work.
And engaged in quite a bit of debauchery.
The night ended with a bit of a jaunt in the hot tub, then a nice shower and about an hour's sleep haha.
But I was with all these amazing people.
It was like time passed so quickly it didn't actually happen.
For the first part of the night I kidnapped Jarrod's Donnatello toy and we sat around with a guitar, singing about everything and anything that came up in conversation.
Mind you, this ranged from an ode to TMNT, vaginas with teeth, the binary code and a plethora of other wonderfully absurd topics.

I'm looking forward to this extension exam on Friday, once i've done that, I'm officially halfway through these stupid exams.
Thank god.



But somehow, everything seems so surreal.

I had an interview at The Body Shop today.
There were 20 odd other ladies in the room with me.


I just got a phone call saying I got the job...WIN.
I feell good about that. Real good.

However, the Kavon crew tell me there's another girl doing a trial on Saturday night.
Hopefully she'll just be a douchebag and won't fit in.
As mean and terrible as that sounds, I really, really want that job.
The people there are fan-freaking-tastic and I felt like I really belonged there.

Ew, the 'b' word. I used it.

Anyways.
Fingers crossed!

So I don't know what's going on with Brendon.
I can't appear to get my head around it.

I told him that I can't do a relationship right now, and he just had no respect for my decision at all.
He keeps texting me and guilt-tripping me and just making me feel rubbish.

It's bullshit.

So anyways, yesterday was my last day of school ever.
And tonight is my graduation.
Apparently I'm getting awards...but have no idea what for or anything.
Ah well.

I can see a kookaburra sitting on the fence.
And for some reason kookaburra doesn't seem like a real word haha.

I've got a job trial happening at the Kavon, which is a theme restraunt, it's pretty fun.
Everyone there is heaps friendly and helpful.
Not to mention the vast majority are really, really attractive haha.

Stupid pop music describing how I feel.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go

And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone

You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on
So I'm already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on,
So I'm already gone

I plan on posting a lot tonight.
It's time for everything in my head to come out.


Things I loved about you

The way you stared at me when I close my eyes, then you closed your eyes and I stared at you

How perfectly your hand fit in mine

How you seemed so strong on the outside, but I could tell you were so sweet on the inside

The way you said I love you, because you sounded so shy

How you were so interested in my life and what I was doing

How you remembered everything I said to you perfectly

When you texted me randomly

When you told me I’m one of the most perfect girls you’ve ever met

How you were too shy to hold my hand, in case I didn’t want you to

The awkward moments - because they weren’t really awkward at all

How much you have passions for things
Your laugh/smile

How you always made fun of me - I secretly loved it

What a loser you are, because I am too

How you admitted defeat and say sorry when I wouldn’t let you win a fight

The way you made the butterflies in my stomach flutter every time I saw your smile

How much you made me love you.

But now they are things of the past, since we broke up. I’m slowly getting over every one of these ways I loved you by replacing them with things I don’t like about you. I don’t think it’s working too well, though, because I know they will each still be in the back of my head because you were my first love and I will never forget you or a single thing that I loved about you. And truthfully, I still love most of those things. I’ll miss every one of them.

When you are in the infinite state of infatuation, a feeling no word or emotion could ever come close to describing, you feel as though this life is worth living.
And when you lose it, its unreal. Its a pain i cant describe.
Every muscle in my body tenses and my heart pounds so hard i feel like it will kill me.
The thing i have learned most, is that this pain proves to me that my heart and felt a happiness i may never feel again.
I now know from my suffering that the time period in which i did feel this happiness was worth it.
There are few moments in life in which i believe we find true happiness, a moment in which everything stands still and every emotion thought or worry is gone, and your a single soul floating in a world of ecstasy.
Its a feeling i wouldnt trade for anything.
There is no real conclusion to this, because its undescribable.
I do know, that this pain i have felt, this feeling of hopelessness only shows me, i did once fall in love.
And every ounce of faith in me, is devoted to the thought of reliving the happiness.
When I think about you not being here with me (I actually think about you all the time), it makes me sick to my stomach.
I miss you so much it physically hurts.
Whenever I talk about you, I feel a knot in my throat.
I can't picture myself with anyone but you.
And time goes by and does it's cray thing but, how I feel doesn't change, it never goes away, even when I hate you for leaving me, for not loving me enough, it doesn't weather.
How I cried myself to sleep wishing I could feel you close to me one more time.
How I wish I could just stop feeling because it hurts so much.
I want to move on, I want to walk away and just remember you every now and then as someone I was fond of.
I'm tired and frustrated because I don't understand you, I don't know what it is that you want or feel... sometimes I think you don't even know that yourself.
I can go and conquer the world and make my wildest dreams come true but, in the end you are not here.
I feel as if I lost a part of me, you took and I want it back. I play it cool, I cry when no one sees me, I dream of you.
I'm in hell.

Just to pause this
Just to catch the warning sign

That I adore you

I adore you

It's a telling time

This wearing my heart on my sleeve, oh

I adore you

I adore you

I don't really want to see the back of this

When everything about me really drives you crazy

I don't really want to see the back of this
Cause everything about me really drives me crazy

Waiting on you to get in touch
A burning cigarette
It's gonna run out
You're dead darling
What the hell have you done to me
This can't be done
How hard it is
No point
We have to go with it all
Take the leap, oh darling
There's no going back from there

Just to pause this
Just to catch the warning sign
I adore you
I adore you

It's a telling time
This wearing my heart on my sleeve
I adore this
I adore this
I don't really want to see the back of this
But everything about me really drives you crazy
I don't really want to see the back of this
Cause everything about me really drives you crazy

Waiting on you to get in touch
A burning cigarette
It's gonna run out
You're dead darling
What the hell have you done to me
This can't be done
How hard it is
No point
We either to go with it or
Take the leap, oh darling
There's no going back from there

You are.

Just to pause this
Just to catch the warning sign
That I adore you
I adore you







How can I be the one in the wrong for wanting to spend time with you.
For not caring how much I get hurt.
For thinking about nothing else except how much you always say you want me.
And for loving you.
Unconditionally.
I don't understand how that can hurt you.
I don't understand how I've done anything wrong.
Apparantly love hurts.
And apparantly it hurts more when you're the only one willing to take risks.

I haven't blogged in too long.
Blogged really.

I've lost touch with reality.
And I wanted to make something beautiful.
But I can't.

“I even know you’re an alcoholic,” he said.

“And I don’t care, you’re still perfect.”

You want to know why nice guys finish last? It’s because they aren’t willing to take a chance, they’re too tied to their rules. They see their girl at her most vulnerable moment, and instead of doing what they perceive as a dick move, they put their arms around her and they hold her. They listen to her weep and they don’t take control of the situation. She’s too precious to cut off. Let her weep.Let me tell you this: nothing makes a broken woman feel more beautiful than to have a man swoop in and push her up against a wall to tell her how much better she is than that. To kiss her, I mean really kiss her, regardless of what she might think about that. You know why nice guys finish last? It’s because when a guy leaves you for no good reason and you feel like you’ve been reduced to nothing, my nice guy won’t come over and say the things I really need to hear to understand that he loves me, I mean really loves me. Us ladies, we know we’re beautiful, we know we’re intelligent, we know we’re worth it and we’ll find “him” someday. What we really need to hear and more importantly feel (at that moment — from you, the nice guy)) is that we’re sexy, that our inner organs that separate us from you guys are actually worth something. That we’re so beautiful that you can’t and don’t care whether or not that kiss you’ve so desperately wanted to plant on us is going to ruin our friendship. We want you, the nice guy, to rebel against your rules and just do what feels right. Take control of the situation and tell us that this is fucking it, you are in love with me. You are so in love with me that you are so unbelievably ready to ruin our friendship for a chance at love. That you are willing to pick up that bat and attempt to hit the ball out of the fucking stadium. Because either you strike out or you hit a home run. No one wants to sit in the dugout. But you don’t. You sit in the dugout and you tell us that we’re pretty, and not fat. That we’re worth it. And that the other guy is just stupid and doesn’t know what he’s missing. You’re too nice. You’re too good of a friend. Be a man. Make the call. Try your best to force us to love you. Because in the end, you’re right. Nice guys do finish last. So how about you buck up and become something else. Because otherwise you’re going to lose us, you’re going to lose me.

Had a terrible month.

No wallet
No iPod
No window
No car
No boyfriend
No money
No marks good enough for the course I want

I just want to hide until everything is okay again.
Hide and never come out.

Obviously no matter what I've done it's never been good enough for you in your eyes.
It's come to the time where I've decided I deserve someone who makes me happy. All the time.
Not just when it suits them.
Even if having to do this has killed me.
I've never done anything for me in this whole so-called relationship.
I've always been the one who gets walked all over and intimidated.
And I've known all along that you've never really needed me for anything more than what you felt like at the time.
And as I sit here typing this I'm crying because it never should have had to come to this.
But look at us now.

Just some photos from recent times.

Is it wrong to be scared of things going too well?
I'm going to stop paying attention for a second then it's all going to be in the dust.
I can't stop things from crumbling.

But I hope they'll at least hold out.

B went to NZ yesterday. And his phone doesn't work overseas.

Anyways, I think i've been doing a lot.
I remember going to a few parties and going out the the Lass andthe Cambo on Wednesday night. They were good nights indeed.

The last 3 or so days have been amazing. Thankyou. So much <3


Found photos of some of the family from my b'day the other month. Ben, Brenton, Aaron, Dominic, Julie, Miriam, Alexis and I......stupid gap-y fringe =[

Sleep leaves widows.

Okay. Soooooooo it's been ages.

It's because I never get on a computer, meeeeeeeeeeeh.

Studying makes my brain hurt. I'm not ready.

Friday night I partied at Claires, but I remained sober.

So I took Demi to macca's, there we got yelled to by 2 different groups of males.

The first were boring, but the second scared the shit out of us, they were parked next to us and hiding under their car. It was kinda funny, but also kinda creepy haha.

Saturday night I went out to Club G with Bec and Chelsey after drinking 2 bottles of Ricadonna and lots of vodka, I was veryyyyyy happy by the time we got there haha.

I got burnt by a cigarrette on my boob, and a gay fashion designer gave me his email address cause he wants to do a collaboration show in Sydney; He designs, I draw. Or something like that, anyways. he emailed me last night and we had a chat.

I ended up getting to Brendon's at 5am on Sunday morning and then got woken up by his dad doing work on the house.

We chilled for a while, laid on the lounge watching Night At The Museum, like a hoooooooge dork and it was nice.

I hate having a broken phone.

And I'm sorry I'll never look like Megan Fox. Or any of the million other girls you've sexed.

Sigh. Feeling consistantly not good enough is sweet.

But I still miss you. Go figure.

smushmorshion.

Ah, I'm forgetting days again.
Knew this would happen once I couldn't blog from my phone anymore
I don't sit at the computer often enough.

Sooooooooooooo, today I went out with my mommy, my aunty and my cousins.
They got me about $500 worth of clothes and jewellery.
Yay =]

Then tonight I went out for dinner and chilled. It was aiight.

Last night I watched Chicago and fell asleep on the lounge after it was finished.
I eventually crawled into bed to be woken up by a text message this morning and couldn't go back to sleep.

I spent all yesterday cleaning my car.
I had intentions to do my room, but I ran out of time, and effort.


p.s world. Lily Allen was AMAZING. And Ross Noble will be sah-WEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Parlez Vous Francais?

Si tu peut le parlez allez tombez la chemise.


Today I went to do some drama stuff, one of the girls showed up almost two hours late and pissed me off, like, eepz. Blah.

But then it was all good, and we sang a bit of Wham! on the way to go get lunch and scared fellow drivers with our antics. Then I went to watch the case currently on in Maitland Supreme Court.

The defence council started today, and the witness was the father of the deceased. It was good, in an interesting way.

This weekend is going to be epic. And I will be using my flippers to get down. Werd.

Friday night = Party
Saturday = Study
Sunday = Party
Monday = "Study"
Tuesday = Lily Allen


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Today says I need -

Strength:

Strength is a card of courage, determination and inner might. You are in a position to deal with whatever comes your way. You have reached a position of influence and no longer need to force your beliefs upon others. You are aware of the temptations that exist, but your ability to resist them is strong. Be careful not to take advantage of your power or risk becoming abusive and destructive. Listen to your inner voice and trust your instincts.




Good luck with that tarot cards.
Today's been crap.
I was all happy and excited at the beggining of the day and everything just went downhill from there.
I'm probably going to go curl up in bed and be generally upset and miserable now.
Or retreat to soft hip hop and head games.

=/

Welcome to uselessness.

I saw a man on fire today, and it was the catalyst for realising how hopeless and helpless I am when it comes to doing something worthwhile.

I guess that's why I want to be a lawyer. I guess I want to prove I can make a difference, a worthwhile difference, even if it's just to one person.

Meh.

I'm going to go do Facebook quizzes to find out if i'm a potato.



Oh, Dylan Moran was great on Saturday night.

"Every time that man smiles an angel gets gonorrea"

"Doing womens things, like stuffing rasberry jam into envelopes"

"Here - eat this chicken. From my hat"

By the time I got to Phoebe's it was late and everyone was already drunk.
I didn't drink, and I was tired, but it was good to see her again.
And she looked awesome :]

P.S i confused the words 'wizard' and 'potato' today.
How weird is that.

and...

"I want to be a lost poem in a stranger's coat pocket, that conveys the importance of you.
To assure you of my desire, to assure you of dreams.
I want all the possibilities of you in writing.
I want to give you your reflection, I want your eyes on me, I want to travel to the lightness with you and stay there, and I want everything before you
......everything before you to follow us like a trail behind me.
I want never to say goodbye to you, even on the street corner or the phone.
I want, I want so much...
I'm breathless.
I want to put my power into a poem to burn a hole in your pocket so I can sew it.
I want my words to scream through you.
I want the poem not to mean that much.
And I want to contradict myself by accident, and for you to know what I mean.
I want you to be distant and for me to feel you close, I want endless days when it's day and... nighttime never to end when it's night.
I want all the seasons in one day. I want the sun to set before us and come up in front of us.
I want water up to our waists and to be drenched by the rain, up to our ankles with holes in our shoes
....with holes in our shoes.
I want to think your thoughts because they're mine.
I want only what's urgent with you.
I want to get in the way of the barriers and I want you to be a tough guy when you're supposed to,
like you do already
....when you're supposed to.
And I want you to be tender, like you do already.
And I want us to have met for a reason and I want that reason to be important.
And I want it to be bigger than us, I want it to take over us.
I want to forget. I want to remember us.
And when you say you love me I don't want to think you really mean another place, and all the fun
we have in it.
And I want your smile always, and your grimaces too.
I want your scar on my lips, and I want your disappointments in my heart.
I want your strength in my soul and I want your soul in my eyes.
I want to believe everything you say, and I do.
And I want you to tell me what's best when I don't know.
And when you're lost I want to find you.
And when you're weary I want to give you steeples and cathedral thoughts and coliseum dreams.
I want to drag you from the darkness and kneel with you exhausted with the blinding light blaring on us...
and..."

Wow. This was incredibly touching. Perfectly imperfect:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw0s4C0g5SM&feature=player_embedded

Reowr.

I hate beansprouts. They're gross. And their texture is unpleasant in my mouth.

Anyway, now i've gotten that off my chest, my house is freezing. Absolutely, ridiculously, freezing. I left my jumper in the car, but it's actually probably colder outside, so I'm not going to go and get it.

Today was fairly boring, I chilled, went in late, got back some marks for stuff, then just proceeded to do nothing. Sweet, sweet nothing. Now I'm sitting at home eating Pad Thai....god it's good...minus the bean sprouts of course.

Saturday night I worked, Sunday day I worked, bought last minute presents, then came home and had thai food for din dins. Best. Food. Ever. Numnumnumnum.

Phoebe's 18th next weekend, themed: villians....

What do I go as?
Looks like Claudia and Demi are going late night shopping on Thursday...woo.

Hot dorrah.

Retreat was surprisingly worthwhile.
Met some amazing people and heard some stories that were truly inspiring.
I was amazed at the strengh some people have.

So a lot of vodka, and absinthe and even more Mother later, I was surprised.
Ate an incredible amount of candy.
Did crazy team games, played pool with one hand, passed an orange around a circle without using hands and a whole bunch of other obscure things.

Had a genuinely memorable time.

"It's like a huge gaping vagina"
"meg...."
"Hot dorrah"
"Goodness and Godness, just one letter of difference"..."Just like rap and rape"




There was a night that wasn't so good, but I think we've worked through it.
I hope we've worked through it.

I really feel like a caramel latte frappe from McDonalds...

Bree bree.

What an pandemic the concept of 'swine flu' is becoming.
What a ridiculous bunch of media hype.
I think I'll add it to the list of media monsters that are soon forgotton.

It can be on there with SARS, avian flu, the hadron destroyer, y2k and a plethora of other over blown topics.

It's awesome when people don't write back to your messages and you feel heaps discarded...mnyeh. Naw well.

I can't remember what's happened since last time I blogged, which has defeated the whole purpose of this blog in a way...how depressing. But anyways...

Last night I had every intention to go to Brendo's and just get utterly fucked up.
Unfortunately fatigue, stress and the cold decided I would rather sit in his loungeroom with Demi and watch 'Showgirls'....such a good film haha.

Today we bought his mummy a birthday present (a cute scarf) and then he came over to Jan's for dinner. Jan and Julie go away tomorrow and I'm housesitting until I go away on Wednesday.

I had good intentions to do work tonight, but they've fallen through, as usual.

I'm sick of good intentions not showing any results.

So I haven't blogged in aaaageeeees-ish.

Saturday I had really good intentions to do all the work I was meant to have done by today....that went down the drain as soon as Flik said she needed to go shoe shopping...so we went, I bought new flatties :] and new something else (I think) but I forget....I finally got Brendo a b'day present too =] a heaps nice belt.

Sunday I ran around like a crazy mofo dropping off resumes cause I'm SOOO sick of hospitality. Then went to work, on the way I broke my car (don't ask me how, I don't know), then was 20 mins late...ooooooopsies!

Monday I took Ben to the aquarium, met Sarah there and we had an excellent adventure which resulted in seeing a dugong with a hard on, then proceeding to buy a mystical dugong hand puppet hehe =]. Came home and had din dins, then put my art book together before crashing out. I really need a new phone charger! But too broke to buy one. Fail.

Today I went back and had a crazy day trying to get stuff done in time for whenever itwas due. Now I'm chilling at Brendo's watching "Showgirls"...just ate some Grain Waves...

I miss knowing I'm the only special one. Work tomorrow...-sigh-

Sleepy as. Night.

meh.

There are some fun photos.
Well...........I worked today.
That's about it.

I'm blah.

Nahnahnah.

Stranger: we all lost a lot of ourselves in the war

You: i can give her a consolation chicken?

Stranger: no no no, she will catch the salmonella she will

You: that was the plan

Stranger: the cold wet embrace of salmonella is not very consoling at all

You: how about bird flu?

You: no?

Stranger: nothing says "ma'am you husband's on a bus that will explode if it goes under 40, but the bus can't go past 35, and he has a husband and might know you're cheating on him" like the bird flu

You: Then I feel thats what we're going for

You: package up some asians

Stranger: they're so cheap

Stranger: and what are they squinting at anyways?



Oh god. I amuse myself way to easily. Lol @ www.omegle.com



Anyway, I kinda forgot where Thurday and Friday went in the last blog.
Last Thursday was spent at Newy Art Gallery checking out the Art eXpress stuff, which was good! and the "9 Shades of Whitely" exhibition BORING!
Demi and I had sweet chats with ...Luke? I think his name is? The art gallery dude? I don't know.
About some guy who made a sculpture piece which looked more like novelty anal beads than anything else haha.

Then we went to Diabolik and had legit HOURS of chats about total bs that you wouldn't usually say in public haha. Then we wents to Gardo and I buyed a beanie and some fake eyelashes. numnum pretteh! >.< onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjOXnDC7VA_OPaeFTfvXgiaRWtTtrSw0sBCtdHl_uQmTy05PKadC1NZ6xGfGBzQE-tWeSIvZs89gyHDXYfoI5JMzEa_UobOfHKYyTScu0KrX3FkU_ABUOsx-oLgpJW2fNbJtH9sYuGpBM/s320/17-04-09_1228.jpg">
Some crazy asian lady who committed herself to a mental hospital:



It was awesome

The last exhibition was about literary myths and was somewhat less exciting.

True story guys.

-sniffles-

Well yesterday I had a pretty good day.
Brendo and I, plus his brother, his bro's girlf and a whole bunch of other people hired a mini bus and went wine tasting.

Haha I started drinking at 9am and just kept going ALL day. It was great. We went to Calais Estate, First Creek, Littles and had lunch at Harrigans...which is practically work haha. Oh well.

Then on the way home we did a sweet pub crawl and stopped at one pub. Hahaha good effort.

I've discovered that I love Riccadonna. Best champagne/sparkling/whatever. It's soooo good.

My nose is running, I slept badly last night and i keep sneezing. Blah!

But oh wells :]

I'll live.

We're both different people and although I miss it, I guess the space is a change. Meow.

Sketchy as.

I dyed my hair the other night.

Well, it's a new day.
My body hates me and is freaking out.

I watched Gangs of New York last night, it went for ages, and I didn't particularly enjoy it.
I expected so much more.

It's 10am and i'm still wearing a towel.
I love holidays.

My mind is sketchy and all over the place right now.
I think I'm going to have a painting night tonight.

Yes.

Well at the moment I'm dying my hair and watching South Park.

I've watched sooooo much of it lately, it gets all stuck in your head and makes you go loopy haha.

Had a great fight with Dave tonight. I don't know what's going on. Eh.

I have to sleep alone tonight. That makes me feel lonely and lame. Both at the same time.

I should probably go wash the dye out soon.

Fascinating.

Five days.

The past five or so days have been hectic.

Thursday - paid for my flight to NZ, then went to Jackie's farewell and got all kinds of fucked up. Went home to Brendon's and passed out for the night.

Friday - me and Brendo went to visit family in Sydney, we hung with my family, then I drove us to Maroubra beach. It brought back all kinds of memories and made me miss Sarah like crazy. Friday night me and Brendo went back to his and we just crashed early, we were fucked haha.

Saturday - I worked all day, it was hectic and by the end if it I hated humanity. Why do people who eat at restaraunts have to be so disgusting? Eugh...went back to Brendo's that night and just chilled, I was sooooooooooo tired and sore.

Sunday - brought easter and Brendo's b'day. We woke up, I gave him some b'day fun, then we went to church to keep his nanna happy. It reminded me how much I fucking hate organised religion. We then went to his nanna's for breakfast, I sat there and ate Grain Waves, i'm addicted, they're so damn good. Then we went to Pelican and had lunch with his family. We then went to the Mary Ellen and had drinks to farewell a friend of his. Then we went back to his house and he got fuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up drunk and sung songs from Rocky Horror, it was heaps funny :]. We crashed after the party.

Monday - we woke up late and stuff, it was good. Then we just chilled all day, I cooked lunch and then we napped and watched South Park :]



My phone is fucked up, it won't send/receive texts. It sucks cause it means I can't talk to Dave properly =[ I miss him. He probs doesn't notice, but I do. I understand cause we've both been busy, and he's with Ally and his girl and what not, but eh. Doesn't matter.

I have a new found love for South Park =] it's so intelligent. Sorry about the long boring belated blog. Not that anyone reads thing.

terrible.

I just realised how guarded I am.
All the time.
When I talk, when I blog , just all the time.
Meh.

Last night I was sick.
So very, very grossly sick.
If I was Brendon I'd never wanna talk to me ever again haha.

Panadeine, no food and half a bottle of vodka in a short period of time is never a good mix. Never.

Plus I was freezing my fucking arse off and now I have the sniffles >.< damnit.

Eugh.

I feel terrible.

Awwwwwwwwwwww.

No ducks today, but I'm still feeling fine.

Thanks to eons of generosity I got my money for the flight.

Tonight is my friend Jackie's farewell, she's moving to the other side of the country.

Other than that, it's a great excuse to get drunk on dirt cheap wine and chill with friends.

I'm gonna miss her though.

I just spent about an hour in the shower, it really is the best place to think.

Now I'm clean, happy and sitting here blogging in a towel.

Excellent.

I'm going to miss her. Blah. (she's on the left, i'm on the right)

le sigh,

I need a get rich quick scheme.
How do I turn $100 into $470?
In 24 hours?

Fucking airlines are arseholes.
Cancel my flight you jerks.....
Well, don't really. Please.

I'm going nuts.
But watching the ducks makes me feel better, they're so cute.
And they don't give a shit about anything except the other ducks and eatin' foods.

Ducks don't need money.
They don't need airlines.
They don't need to pay phone bills, car rego or insurance.

I want to be a duck.

I am a shit human being because I can't stay awake after 10pm

Dance.

There is never a bad time to dance.
Inside my giant cardboard box, out of the box, doesn't matter, it's never a bad time to dance.

Right now for instance, I'm dancing to Kanye West.
Just because I can. Win.

Today was my last day. Started it nice and hyper-active, and somewhat retardedly.
Which I'm sure Dave loved =P

I'm boooooooooooooooooored.
I have a car full of art to do. And soon I must cook.

The end.

Smoke and mirrors.

So today was fairly boring.
Still fatigued as all hell.

Two assessments left before it's all finished for a while.

I need it to be finished, before I shoot myself in the foot because I can't be bothered turning up.

Debt is stressing me out to the point where i'm going legitimately insane.
I spent an hour today sitting inside a barely lit cardboard box. Normal, I know.

Evidently you light up the face of a teacher when you light a cigarette mid class.

Music trails.

Nothing new really.

Awesome Aussie hip-hop artist
http://www.myspace.com/sethsentry

"Time has been invented by people unable to love."

Well it's been a tiring two days.
Between puking up blood and sleeping (which I guess I needed) I've done nothing.
Except check out the interwebz.

Synopsis.

So, I've realised that I do a lot of strange things.
Here they are in point form, along with some few fun facts.

-Once, while I was at coles I purchased eggs, free range, grain fed eggs (It's weird I have ethics when it comes to animal creulty, but not much else). The eggs I bought had smiley faces printed on them. I opened them and was like 'yay!' cause I didn't expect it and it made me considerably happier.
-I talk to myself. Not just in a "did I remember to turn the oven off" way, but in a 'I will argue with myself out loud' kind of way.
-This year I celebrated Valentine's Day by writing collaborative love letters to a 16 year old boy who looks like 40 year old man version of Lucius Malfoy/Legolas. This mainly included telling him that his hair shines like milk with a skin on it because it's been left in the sun.
-I have an obsessive compulsive thing about the volume of the tv/radio/whatever being in multiples of 5. Anything else and I will stress and squirm uncomfortably and in no way will enjoy what i'm listening to/watching until it's fixed.
-Seagulls terrify me. No other birds, just seagulls.
-I swear worse than a sailor. I constantly get reprimanded about it by family, friends, lecturers, and random members of the general public,
-Don't take me out in public, I will embarrass you by making loud and insulting, or loud and inappropriate comments about passers by.
-My sense of humour is sick. I find all the wrong things funny.
-Motivation to do something never strikes me, and if it does, I won't finish what I do.
-Once I said "I'm bored" mid-coitus. Don't do that. Evidently it ruins the moment.
-I am immature, I will laugh at sentences such as "Don't pussy-foot around" or, "it's in your arsenal"
-Once I made a shirt that said "I love sluts", it's my biggest acheivement.
-Not long ago I got yelled at for sticking a sandwich to the wall.
-Covering people in glitter is soothing. So unbelievably soothing.
-I like to untie girls shirts if they wear ones that tie at the back, then blame it on other people.
-I bruise like a peach. So, so, sooooo incredibly easily.
-I'm terrible at giving presents, but I love to do it. Usually I will throw them at your head, and, if I don't do that, I'll hand them over with some sort of insult.


More will probably appear.

hmmm.

I'm procrastinating. It seems to be the only reason I blog.

Today was a reletively wasted day. Though i've come to realise that I'm a serial motor-flirt. I purposefully, yet subconsciously slow down and speed up to have some sort of connection with random people in random cars.

It's not one sided, they'll wave, or wink, then say goodbye when one of us pulls away. It's kind of interesting in a fucked up way.


I have no idea. I'm a creep. End of story.

There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer...

But diamonds are a girls best friend.
Sweet, bitter irony. How those words define thee. Haha.

Saw the Removalists today. David Williamson (the playwright) himself was all chilling in the theatre too. Sneaky tall bastard.

I've spent too much time commuting. It's endlessly draining.

Brendon's was good tonight. Still pretty cute and shit. There will always be more cute, but with that in mind, also there are less cute. So I'm content :]

Now it's off to dreamland. Sleeptight.

sick of it.

Got my phone back = happy face.

Fucker found out there were too many codes on it and couldn't use it. Suck shit bastard.

Anyway. I'm so over people who whinge and bitch and moan about EVERYTHING. Then can't take a hint that you don't give a shit.

Sure I'll have a rough patch every now and again, but i never claim to be "depressed" or any of this other mental mumbo jumbo.

That's right.
Mumbo jumbo.

I'm not grown up, but at least I can act like I am if the situation arises.

Fuck.

blah.

I hate parties.

Distusted with the world.

I HATE the fact that society is so fucking degraded that people can just walk into a room and steal someones life.Sadly enough, my life was in phone-form.But I don't care. I loved that machine more than I could love a human child.

Anyway, last night was just shit in general.

Phone got stolen, lost my friend for a while, engaged in some incredibly public fights, busted my hand (no spraying for me for a while)

And to top it all off, someone who PROMISED to give me their goon box so I could wear it as a helmet DIDN'T...

That's right....he THREW IT AWAY.
Bastard. Cunt. Shit. Fuck.
Terrible night.

What intimidation is made of.

Lame.

I'm so tired. Everyone's telling me I sound weird.




Our world is built on flimsy foundations, hapless hopes and nmemonic messages. We're so inebriated by power. Powerless; powerful. What happen when tables turn? Uproar upheld.

The education for our generation promotes FIGJAM intimidation.

Communist, consumerist, consumptionist, contraption, contreception, commodity, it's all just a con to me.

Fascists and fast cars promoting fake food and feeble dreams.

long day.

Woke up at 4.30am.
Why that hour even exists, I'm not sure.

Went to Sydney to hear a talk from some guy, then went and saw Artexpress and the Archibald prize.

It was all pretty intimidating.

I need resources to start producing work of amicable standards. A laminator, a photocopier, a better stencil knife, new adhesive spray and more paint.

I'm not needy or anything.

I've realised I'm really good at not getting along with males. And females. And just people in general.

NB. Don't say "I'm bored" in the middle of sex. It's mean.

Sleep deprivation is a tune everyone can dance to.

Well the last three nights have sucked. After being sucessively blown off by Brendon so he can spend time with his mates I found out last night that Dave got himself put in hospital.

So there was a sleepless night. Right now I'm laying on my bed. Not wanting to go to work, at all. I start in 2 hours. Which means i need to leave in 1 hour, which means i should probably be getting ready to go.

But i can't be bothered.
Lack of motivation strikes again.

I need about 8 cans of red bull before I even start putting my face on.

I watched "showgirls" last night. It was alright. Plot line rollercoasted a little bit and the protagonist wasn't overly like-able, but hey, she was hot and that's about it.

I'm very ready to go to sleep right now and my throat hurts from yelling.

AND THEN THE CAGE COMES DOWN.

scooters, vacation, fall

So I'm "blogging" on an average of every two days or so. That's pretty much a record in consistancy for me.

Even though no-one really reads my blog, nor do i have an opinion on anything profound/relevant, this is an achievement for me.

And achievement that will soon falter and be forgotton. I know how my mind works.

I spent today procrastinating. I did this by watching "What Women Want", which I now see as an excuse purely for Mel Gibson to wear stockings/hoisery. I then proceeded to take a trip to the post-office to collect my passport application form and post various things. I went on a mission to coles, then came home again to bake cupcakes.

While I was at coles I purchased eggs, free range, grain fed eggs (It's weird I have ethics when it comes to animal creulty, but not much else). The eggs I bought had smiley faces printed on them. I opened them and was like 'yay!' cause I didn't expect it and it made me considerably happier.

I'd go as far as to say it's the highlight of my day.

I'm sure a bunch of funny stuff happened in the last two days but as soon as I get home I turn into a different person and retreat into my own head. It works better this way. Even though I forget things =)

Anyway, it's 7.55pm and I'm ready for bed. So incredibly ready.

Goodnight.

Lame.

So today I made a shirt that says "I love sluts", pretty much sums up my life.
My back hurts from excessive computer-ing.
Massages welcome.


Some people are fucking morons. They jerk you around, then pretend they didn't.
I'm eating dinner then going to bed.

Deal?

How much cash can I fit in this grave?

Friday I got yelled at for sticking a sandwich to the wall.

"I don't want to work in a place where there's food stuck on the walls..."

I'm a smartarse.

It was a riot.

Friday night went to Brendon's sisters then back to his house.

Sex got interrupted by his dad deciding to come and visit Brendon's house.

Bad decision old man.

He already knows far too much for my liking.

I spent today babysitting my brother instead of going to the Sydney Tattoo Expo and Mardi Gras.

Fucking devo.

Got some more spraypainting done though, on the plus side.

I also got this made for me:

It made my day.

This is stupid.

I shouldn't have made this a world domination blog.
Ideas for world domination will still be explored, but i'm forgetting the soul purpose of this blog.
Anyway, today I covered a boy in purple glitter then wrote him messages on playing cards.

I thought it was appropriate.
I indulged in some art stuff and managed to cover myself, an easel and some wood in spray paint.

Apart from a nicely drippy piece of wood, this was the end result:

Not overly interesting, but hey, what is.

He's got birds coming out of his mouth cause he's bald.

So now I'm all sitting here and eating easy mac and procratinating the inevitable, as you do.

Evidently my man is the "most attractive of all the boilermakers" and got wolf whistled at by five girls. Now, do I take it as a compliment? Or do I assume they're sluts?

I vote I do both.

Then paint some more.

HappyGas.com.au

- easily accessable happy gas (will make the world a better place)

- 24hr music festivals

-underwear should be free, and optional.

So I spent all weekend on a crazy adrenaline/energy drink/alcohol rampage, and now I'm falling like the twin towers.

Demi and I hit Soundwave on Sunday and now we're both pretty drained. Hence the lacklustre blogging of late.

New idea for the perfect world domination plot:

-make all girls with hot bodies wear tie-up shirts so people can undo them from the back then pretend someone else did it...just for comic value.


Outie.

World Dumbination

So Josh, Demi and I have a few ideas for world domination. So this is now a world domination-based blog.

Okay, here are a few of our thoughts:

-inject Websters disease into puppies/kittens so they still get smart, but stay cute.

-return the world to the Batering system (economic crisis detterence)

-Wild Wild West rides distributed by postcode (like Movieworld)

-send mokey to Uranus on the Deep Space Explorer (just for lolz)

-abolish the word 'jew'...(it sounds wrong)

More coming!

World domination.

So Josh and I are all like "we have ideas for world domination" and I'm all like OMG, like, I'll make you co-author of my blog!

So, Claudia and Josh's ideas for world domination; COMING SOON.

Mhm.

I drove home through a torrential downpour today. Most people were going about 70km/h on the freeway, or had pulled over to the side...it was crazy!

I was hyperactive as a motherbitch this morning. Then for the rest of the day. That's what happens when i'm hyper
---->

"There're tables in the library for playing battleship!"
"They're divided so you can study with privacy"
"....oh"

There are heaps of sleazy trade-ies at the Caltex of a morning. Then again driving home. I got waved at by 3 different sleazy trade-ies driving down the freeway this arvo, after the downpour ceased anyway.

So I spent all day with Demi talking about the potential array of hash infused baked goods for her 18th. Haha. Hash brownies, hash cookies, hash cupcakes, hash muffins, hash donuts, hash cheesecake, hash scones and everything inbetween. Hahahaha. Not to mention hash fruit salad.

I love life! Especially cause in 'The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas" there is a chimp playing piano.


Awwwwwww yeah.

I have soooooooo many bruises right now! I bruise like a peach!

8/45

So yesterday was a relatively boring day, learned, then chilled. Brendon came over for dinner, but he's sick, I'm sick, so everyone was wearing their sleepy-pants.

He went home, i showered and crashed. Like a boat.

I'm lying on the lounge watching Blade Runner at the moment, it's really, really not holding my attention.

Work called this morning, i have to work 12-9 on Saturday (N)
But! SOUNDWAVE ON SUNDAY! WOOO! It's incredibly exciting.

Pris from Balde Runner looks like a man, even though she's supposed to be a "basic pleasure model"...eugh.

Anyway, i have an hour-long shower to indulge in, as well as the rest of Blade Runner and some other various bits and pieces...sounds fab, doesn't it.


Not.

I'm losing days.

More tattoos than brains, more coke than personality, and more weed than soul.

So I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon and create a blog.

I can't remember what I do with myself on what days, so this is an attempt to remember things.

If you happen to stumble upon this, you probably won't be entertained.

I'm not particularly deep, interesting or funny. I am however, very, very sarcastic. Which doesn't communicate particularly well over the interweb. There's your disclaimer.

I'm the one on the left making the stupid face...it was a dress up party, hence the bonnet. Sexy, I know.

I don't do much with my life, but I like it that way. I'm lazy, obnoxious, overwhelming, loud, self-centered, and basically a loser. But, albeit, a loser a few people would rather not life without. So I guess that's cool.

So I'm going to stop talking about myself and try and recall what I've been doing since.....let's go with Friday. Okay.

Friday day involved Demi (the one on the right in that photo) and I writing a Valentine's Day inspired love-letter to a 15-16 year old boy who looks like a 40 year old man, and has long golden locks that inspire the name 'Legolas'...I don't actually know his real name ^-^. So Demi and I wrote him a letter, telling him that his hair glistens like the skin on hot milk and his stride is likened to a cool ocean breeze. We also took the liberty of filling the envelope with hearts, so they went EVERYWHERE when he opened the letter and embarrassed the shit out of the kid. That probably makes us terrible people, but, you know how it is. If it's funny, it's worth it.

Friday night was quiet. I did absolutely nothing. At all...Actually I watched Taken with Flik (my stepsister) and Emma (the girl who lived with me). Then went to bed.

Saturday involved Valentine's Day with Brendon (the boyfriend). It consisted of me taking off my STUPID acrylic nails, then making him lunch. Presents were exchanged and it was all gross and mushy and stuff. Luckily no-one said 'I love you', because I may have thrown up. The night consisited of it PISSING down rain at an 18th. A dress-up 18th...But I got extremely messy, and it was brill. I am OBVIOUSLY totally sober in the photo on the left, and not licking Courtney's leg.
That night was good, got picked up and driven home with Brendon courtesy of his brother, then proceeded to have some nice drunk Valentine's Day sex. Lovely.

Sunday we woke up, Brendon HEAPS hungover. Pretty funny. I'm a terrible girlfriend. But he made me breakfast, then at about 4 we went to pick up my car. Then we parted ways and I proceeded to Jan's (my father) for dinner. Came back home, and slept like never before.

Today simply involved learning. I can't really remember what happened, but I remember walking in the gate with a smoke and 2 beer bottles. Good stuff Claudia. Got home around 6, got a phone call from Emma saying she's probably leaving, pretty happy. I missed my own space. Well, that was pretty much my life over the past -counts on fingers- 4 days.

COOL STORY HANSEL.